One of the questions I am asked often by parents who care about their children’s future is, how can we help our child meet an appropriate match, even if they don’t like the idea of using a matchmaking service?

I say – first of all, are you sure you know enough about your child’s personal life to determine for sure that he/she isn’t involved emotionally with anyone they don’t want you to know about?

For example, your child might be involved with a married person,  a divorcee with children or a non-Jewish person. Or maybe your child is not into it at all because he/she is gay or lesbian.

Are you open enough with your childn to know the true reason that he or she is single? Perhaps it is not only a result of limited social life.

I ask this because on many occasions parents have registered their child to my service and when we called him or her, it turned out he or she wasn’t emotionally available at all. Moreover, she or he has long been in contact with a partner that their parents probably did not approve of or even know about.

However, if you are certain that your child is emotionally available and wants to meet someone, then it’s a perfect time to begin to “probe” what she or he thinks about dating through a matchmaking service.

You might be surprised to find out that they are happy about the idea and are willing they are to cooperate, especially when they know that you’re paying for the service, not them.

If you succeed in convincing your child to make an appointment, I will meet with them in person and explain how the matchmaking process works. I will first learn what type of people your child finds attractive and then describe what type of matches I will introduce her/him to. Once the registration interview is complete, we are set to go.

However, there are a few kids who might be offended by your suggestion to set them up on a date and might respond “what am I a cripple or disabled? Do you really think I need help?  I can find my match by myself,  I don’t need anyone’s help!”

If your child responds in this way, you can say: Thank G-d you’re not cripple or disabled, but your social networks & activities are limited around you. You are not exposed to the right people, people serious enough who are looking for marriage, not just to go out for casual dates.

If they refuse to make an appointment, which often happens, don’t mention it again to your child. Make contact with one of their good friends and tell them about your plan. Ask them to be the contact between me and your child. You’ll be surprised how easily your child will agree to go on a date with a friend’s recommendation rather than a mother’s or father’s.

If the friend is willing to cooperate, which likely happens, from that moment everything is very simple. We schedule a meeting, you bring pictures of your child and the contact number of the good friend who’s willing to help us. I tell this friend about our plan, and together we make up a “cover story” as for how to introduce a potential match to your child.

Sounds difficult to do? Maybe. But remember this: it will be much more difficult if your daughter or son stays single, or marries someone who is not suitable for them just because of the fear of staying alone.

So……..Come on parents, get to work !

Call me, I’ll be glad to meet with each of you. Together we’ll do everything we can so that next year your son or daughter will be happily married to their Jewish soulmate.

Yours Truly,
ilana Gutman

818 224 9544
818 788 8360

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